Ready to share....

I have been trying to decide if I want to post about this or not, and I think that it is time for me to share.

On May 28 Tyler and I found out that we (as in I) were pregnant. Before you get too excited, the story isn't a happy one. On June 8 (a date I will not soon forget) we found out I was having a miscarriage (I was about 6 weeks along). We were so very sad...

But, now that I have told you the sad part, lets get to the purpose. When we found out that we were pregnant, I already knew in my heart that we were not going to be able to meet our baby. I told Tyler that night, that I felt that God had already prepared me for what was about to come. God spoke to me, and I definitely heard Him. I am so thankful for this, what peace it has brought me.

You see in the days (maybe even weeks) before we found out that we were pregnant, I continued to stumble upon very (and I stress very) sad blogs. At the end of this, I will post one that continues to be a blessing to me. After reading these, I realized that my heart had never truly felt the pain of loss. Of course, family members have passed away, but never the pain that these women from the other blogs have felt. In that moment of realization, God spoke. And I knew, that something was coming. Remember this was before we found out. He was preparing me for the hardest thing that I have ever been through (and hope that I ever have to endure).

Although, I have to admit that I still started to prepare for the baby. We started talking about names, and I began looking for nursery furniture. I wanted to be hopeful. Hopeful, that I just misunderstood what God told me. Now I will not go into details but I knew on June 8, that we lost the baby, before we ever spoke with a doctor. And, I cried (more than I ever wish to again). I am so very thankful to our family that helped us that day and the days following. I mourned our baby for many days. I continued to imagine what it would have been like to have two babies. What he/she would have been like. Until one day, I just understood, that the baby was never intended to be here. God had other plans, and they were much greater than I could ever imagine. And at that moment I was at peace. There are still hard moments, but I am humbled to feel so close to God during this sorrowful time. At first, the thought of getting pregnant again scared me. I wondered how I would move on if it happened again (and I still worry sometimes, but I try not to). I just put my faith in the Lord, and pray that He guides me down the path the He wants me to follow (and gives me strength to believe).

I would like to share something that I got in an email and few days after we found out about the miscarriage. I had been praying for God to lead me to a place of healing and answers. This was the email (one of those forwards that I usually delete instead of open):
"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did" When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.Concentrate on this sentence..... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.' Something good will happen to you today. Something that you have been waiting to hear. This is not a joke; someone will call you by phone or will speak to you about something that you were waiting to hear. Do not break! Send it to a minimum of 7 people......... JUST DO IT!
Well I didn't send it to anyone, but God spoke to me again. While reading to Nolan from his bible that night, I read about the kingdom of heaven being made up of the children of God. My baby, in the kingdom of heaven. There was nothing more that I needed to hear. My baby was home.

I do not want any of you to be sad. I tell you, this is the way it is supposed to be. And, I know that the words that I have wrote do not begin to describe the true emotion that I felt while writing them. So, just let God talk to you, and help you to understand what this post means to me and hopefully what it means to you. I want to thank all of our families, you all are a true blessing!



Everyone should check out this blog, and to truly appreciate it, start from the beginning. I do warn you, you will spend hours reading and crying, but it is worth it. http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/